when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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