He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize