Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
