so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
