You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
