They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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