I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
