guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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