I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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