Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
