I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
