If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
