The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am naked and annoyed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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