I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
