well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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