11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize