he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
40s are totally the cure
I lost the right to judge tonight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
