When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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