Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
