I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
