No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
