That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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