You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
