Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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