May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
