I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love having hate sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize