I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
