apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
