Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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