we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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