my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
