What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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