It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
