when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
