Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pooping to opera.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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