I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
