girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
