They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
