and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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