I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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