once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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