im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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