she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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