i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize