FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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