It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
