I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
