where am i from again
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
