apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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