I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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