Non-Jews are for practice
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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