Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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