So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
