All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
