there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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