there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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