wrigley field is MILF paradise
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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