My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
