dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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