i was born a porn star she said
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
