3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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