He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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