you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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