How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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