He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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