I look better un-naked...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
