Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
