Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
