I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
