Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As shirtless as possible
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
