I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
